Jennifer Lopez won’t be in the remake of Dallas.
Her handlers say she pulled out, without giving reason.
Our sources, namely the voices in my head, are telling me the producers booted her in order to cut costs. The production staff won’t have have to meet her dressing room demands, they won’t be required to have a nipple tweaker on staff and they won’t have to use wide angle lenses required to capture her ever expanding backside.
These savings will be more than sufficient to allow them to erect a sculpture of L. Ron Hubbard for scientologist John Travolta, who she was set to star opposite of. Our sources continued by telling me that Travolta was ecstatic by the announcement since he’ll be able to jump on a couch before the statue five times a day as required by the scripture set forth in Dianetics.
3 comments
Sure, she’s a high-maintenance diva, but I’d still rather tweak her nips than Paris’s! Probably has something to do with my latent Latinaphile-ness.
She does indeed have a metastasizing arse, and no mistake. She’s still cute though.
I would.
She can’t sing, can’t act, she’s an overrated dancer.
But those buttocks are wonderful. Just wonderful.