Even the most sympathetic observer of Old Blighty has noticed that the place has been going downhill for a while, like about a century. Bad enough that they’ve forgotten how to fix a decent meal; they’ve also forgotten the meaning of crime and punishment. But still, we who feel some affection for the place know that Britain still has some eternal verities: terrific Indian take-away, bangers and mash at the corner pub, the Royal Family’.

Not so fast. Prince William has broken up with his long-time squeeze Kate Middleton, and bookmakers are giving odds on who’ll replace her as the next future Queen. High on the list, with odds of 14-1, is our own Paris Hilton. Those are the same odds offered for the infinitely more respectable (but still none too royal) Kylie Minogue, and higher than the odds on Page Three girl Keeley Hazell (22-1). Kelly Osbourne was down at 100-1, the same odds offered for Prince Will hooking up with a lad.

Apropos of nothing in particular, today’s Page Six in the New York Post ran this little blind item:

WHICH celebutard has a secret madam past? Not only is she not as rich as she wants people to think, but when she first popped up on the radar, she was making money on the side by offering to fill billionaires’ boats with girls who would have sex for cash.

I have no idea why that came to mind in the context of this post. I’m just sayin’: You think Prince Charles is an embarrassment to the House of Windsor? Believe me, you have no idea.