If this doesn’t cause watermelon sales to spurt upward, nothing will. A study (funded, most likely, by the National Watermelon Association) is touting the health benefits of the summer treat, which it describes at considerable and highly technical length:

Scientists know that when watermelon is consumed, citrulline is converted to arginine through certain enzymes. Arginine is an amino acid that works wonders on the heart and circulation system and maintains a good immune system, Patil said. “The citrulline-arginine relationship helps heart health, the immune system and may prove to be very helpful for those who suffer from obesity and type 2 diabetes,” said Patil.

And yadda yadda yadda. No doubt a high-melon diet will also give you a thick, glossy pelt and keep the grouting in your bathroom sparkling white—an important consideration, because unless you have kidneys the size of Volkswagens you’ll be spending a lot of time in the bathroom. But that might be acceptable. The link gets down to business in the first paragraph and explains, “watermelon has ingredients that deliver Viagra-like effects to the body’s blood vessels and may even increase libido.”

The catch (isn’t there always a catch?) is that to reap the full wang-stiffening benefits of watermelon, you have to eat the rind. Scientists are working to solve that problem, but until they do I’ll stick with vodka and tonics. They not only increase my libido, they make me wittier, more charming and noticeably more handsome. My date would probably agree, after she’s had enough of them.