Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are not likeable people. In fact, they’re the most unpleasant people on MTV’s The Hills, which is a bit like winning the door prize for Most Brutal Sociopath at a Colombian druglords’ convention. Nevertheless, against all odds Spencer’s scramble for absolute power seems to be succeeding. That’s sort of inspiring, in a thoroughly perverse and distasteful sort of way.

Over the past two years, Spencer and Heidi have made nearly $3 million from their crappy reality show, as well as various public appearances, modeling assignments, and other projects. That’s more than you made, Constant Reader, and even if you’re working as a telemarketer you’re contributing more to the world than Spencer and Heidi. But wait—there’s more! The Dynamic Duo have just launched Speidiweb, a website that spreads the entire Speidi entertainment empire before you and invites you to become a member of their legion of fans. Finally there’s Spencer’s advice column, where he most recently grappled with the dilemma, “Should I Lez Out or Stick with My Husband?” Spencer started on a reasonable note, and then tripped over his dick in the last two sentences:

You should tell him that you want to see him AND the woman. Maybe see if he’s cool with bringing her into the mix occasionally.

Yeah, go for the threesome. It’s both plausible and classy. Incidentally, Spencer told his previous correspondent: “Sleeping with minor celebrities is a career for a lot of women in Hollywood.” Not to mention a few men, Spencer.