The Fake ‘n’ Bake Path to Sluttiness

For years now, men who have trouble, umm, rising to the occasion could take a little blue pill that does wonders in that department, but there’s no real equivalent for women—a couple of Long Island iced teas might get them into bed, but it won’t make the encounter any more enjoyable for either party. Now comes word that a fake tanning agent can do for women what Vee-ahgra does for men. No, not give them painful, throbbing erections. But studies indicate that bremelanotide does get both males and females feeling all hot and bothered, whether they’re humans or rats:

Studies in rodents demonstrated that the drug not only gave male rats spontaneous erections, but also fomented sexual excitement in female rats, prompting them to wiggle their ears, hop excitedly, rub noses with males and otherwise display unmistakable hallmarks of rodent arousal.

This news would also explain a lot about the behavior of some of our more famous celebutards. These two people, for example:

And, of course, it also explains all those Hollywood stories about the filthy Oompa Loompas. Rumor had it that those little guys were absolute demons in the sack.