Unfortunately there’s no award for Outstandingly Bullshit Internet Gossip Rumor of the Year, because this item would be a prime contender. Ian Halperin, author of Brangelina: The Untold Story of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, is claiming that Angelina had an affair with Lady GaGa, and others (not Halperin, as far as I know) say the affair led to the breakup of their non-marriage. The story is being reported in the cool, measured tones you’d expect:

Jolie — who is openly bisexual — and GaGa — a rumored hermaphrodite — had a secret rendezvous at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel that lasted all night, Halperin alleges. “Angie is obsessed with Lady Gaga,” a source said.

That quote really has it all-GaGa, Angelina (with Brad Pitt standing a few feet offstage), bisexuals and hermaphrodites, all rolled into one gloriously smutty package. The only way this story could be more marketable is if the two women had a threesome with Lincoln’s doctor’s son’s dog. None of the parties allegedly involved have commented on this scenario. And the additional claim that this hot lezbo/hermaphrodite coupling led to the breakup of the Brangelina menage is even more nonsensical than the initial story. For one thing, the breakup hasn’t even been confirmed. But if it is, I blame the beard. No, not that one. I’m talking about that giant dust bunny dangling from Brad’s chin. I’m sure Katie Holmes is a perfectly decent human being once you get the shock collar off her.