R Kelly has proclaimed himself The Greatest Black Man Alive, thereby wresting the trophy for Stupidest Human Being Alive from the vise-like grip of Paris Hilton. Specifically, here’s what the R&B singer and part-time sexual predator had to say:

I’m the Ali of today. I’m the Marvin Gaye of today. I’m the Bob Marley of today. I’m the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realise that now.

He added that, musically speaking, “My greatest competition is, well, me.” Seriously, if you can’t name a long, long list of black men superior to R Kelly, starting with, say, Nelson Mandela and ending with “that guy down the street whose yard always looks so nice,” then you’re so pathetically ignorant of the rest of the world that I can only assume your name is R Kelly.

To date, here are R Kelly’s achievements: in 1997 he won three Grammys (Grammys!!) for “I Believe I Can Fly,” taking Best R&B Song, Best R&B Male Vocal Performance, and Best Original Song from a Soundtrack (and narrowly edging out his greatest competitor, R Kelly, in all three categories). He’s also known for a lengthy string of child molestation charges, most notably for using a 14-year-old girl as a Port-A-Potty. He’s never faced trial on that charge, but a date might be set this summer. If so, then maybe R Kelly will finally get the recognition he deserves.