Okay, I ignored Lindsay”””s outburst on the death of Robert Altman, unlike most gossip bloggers. Sure, it was rambling and poorly spelled, but the poor girl”””s heart was in the right place and I”””m not going to mock her for that. But this latest example of BlackBerry-torture is too much. Everybody”””s talking about it (see Best Week Ever, for example, where I stole the title for this piece; they”””ve also got graphics and a petition), and who can blame them? This sucker defies excerption, so here are the first five sentences. They”””re utterly representative of the whole piece:

Subject: The way of the future-Howard Hughes once said. I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help. Simply to state my oppinions on how our society should be educated on for the better of our country. Our people. Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see. People are just mean.

Starting with the Howard Hughes quote, which is actually a quote from Leo DiCaprio descending into a spittle-spewing OCD fit at the end of The Aviator, and moving on through the peculiar spelling, the fragmentary sentences, the way she caroms from one thought to another as if her brain”””s a pinball machine permanently stuck on TILT”””that”””s impressive work, my friends. And she”””s just getting started. Read the whole thing and see how she drags Al Gore and the Clintons into her plan for doing I-don”””t-know-what, along with her threats to sue ”””LR””? (L. Ron Hubbard? Lionel Ritchie? Linda Ronstadt? Best guess in the comments over at The Gawker is that it”””s Lindsay Ratowski, LiLo”””s former assistant who quit to work for Jessica Biel). I don”””t know what pharmaceutical witches””” brew inspired this rant, but I wants me some.

Seriously, I kind of liked the old Lohan”””the sexual InSinkErator who reeled from one club to another starting fights and making up for no apparent reason, getting kicked out of Chateau Marmont, no less”””home of deranged rock stars for more than three decades”””for being a little too wild. But this borderline dementia is just sad. Throw in the story via A Socialite”””s Life on Lindsay”””s abuse of oxycontin, aka ”””hillbilly heroin””? (keeping in mind the source here is the National Enquirer, which is a brain-damaging substance all by itself), and it sounds like Lindsay really is falling apart. It turns out that 20-year-olds aren”””t indestructible after all. Who would have guessed?