Of course, in battles like this it’s always the dead pets who suffer the most. The gangly weirdo is preparing for a bruising custody battle with his slightly less weird, sort of hot ex to decide who gets the cats and the stuffed animals. No, not teddy bearsreal stuffed animals. “I have four taxidermied baboons, two monkeys, a white peacock, a turtle and a wild boar,” said the 38-year-old singer. “When you get separated, you lose so much. I don’t know what she’ll say when I ask for them back.”

Marilyn, who’s consoling himself over the breakup with the help of Dita’s 19-year-old clone Evan Rachel Wood, said that the end of his marriage left him “naked, a featherless bird. I was completely destroyed. I had no soul left.” Strangely enough, Marilyn’s menagerie of formerly living creatures appears to include no featherless birds. The guy might not be the scourge of civilization he likes to think he is, but there’s no question he really is seriously odd.