For the past few years, one of the few things sadder and more pathetic than Jennifer Aniston’s love life has been paying close attention to Jennifer Aniston’s love life. But I’m not going to let pride, or even minimal self respect, keep me from giving this story the attention it deserves. Right now, Jennifer seems to be making up for lost time with her new beau John Mayer, and events on Planet Rachel are moving really, really fast:

• Jennifer has taken John around for an initial inspection by Courteney Cox Arquette and her husband David. This is a big deal because, according to an anonymous source (see link below), “Courteney guards Jennifer like a mother hen,” and reportedly thought that Vince Vaughn fellow Jennifer was seeing didn’t measure up.
• Jennifer and John are planning to get matching tats, although the design and location have yet to be finalized. Jennifer would like them both to get hearts on their stomachs, which anatomically speaking sounds a little like getting a foot tattooed on your hand. John would prefer them to get matching J’s in “a secret place” (this had better mean their groins, because all the other alternatives are flat-out disgusting). We’ll see if this dispute turns into a deal-breaker.
• Regardless, the two are planning to buy a house in Malibu Colony, conveniently close to the Mother Hen. According to yet another loose-lipped anonymous source, “They know it hasn’t been long, but they like one another enough that if their relationship doesn’t last, they can still share the house as friends.”

This last sounds like conclusive proof that love has caused Jennifer’s judgment to slip a transmission belt. When John moves on, as he very likely will, having that heart, or J, or Smurf/Smurfette tattoo lurking somewhere on your torso is going to be quite enough of a painful reminder. Sharing a house with John’s tattooed groin and the starlet or supermodel he’s currently boffing sounds like a recipe for disaster.