Here’s a story that will blight your entire weekend. According to reliable sources, a remake of John Hughes’ chunk of Eighties teen-angst The Breakfast Club is in the works:

Bumped” is a comedy-drama revolving around five twentysomethings — including a corporate go-getter, a musician and a flirt — who normally wouldn’t be friends but who get to know one another when they’re bumped from a flight and wind up stranded at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport.

Mercifully, they changed the name and the setting, but this is still way too close to a movie that represents many special moments between Molly Ringwald and me. (Molly is unaware of this, which is probably just as well.) The last thing I need is to see those adolescent memories smeared with the thumbprints of a woman whose past achievements include producing The Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll and learning the directorial trade from McG. If Uwe Boll signs on to direct the “edgy” new remake of Sixteen Candles, I’m going to start punching random strangers in the face.