Once you become a heavyweight blogger–a blogging god, if you will–it doesn’t take long to recognize fame for the tawdry, meretricious zircon it really is. For example, little more than a month ago The Agent was crowing about the Malkovich shout-out, when one of the most distinguished actors of our time used his appearance in the “Things I’ve Learned” column in Esquire to recognize our achievements in the fields of rummaging through celebrities’ dirty laundry and general attention-whoring. This month, the coveted “Things I’ve Learned” spot goes to… Paris Hilton. Surprisingly, the page isn’t completely blank. Still, it’s not easy to extract a quote from The Wit and Wisdom of Paris Hilton, mostly because there’s nothing insightful enough to be memorable or outrageous enough to be funny. Here’s a typical excerpt:

The best thing I’ve ever bought with money is my house. I call it my Paris Palace. It’s beautiful. Every room has beautiful crystal chandeliers and amazing moldings from Italy. When people come over they say, “Hey, this looks just like you.”

Worthwhile for the mental image of Paris Hilton covered in amazing Italian mold, if nothing else. Still, it’s noteworthy that Paris doesn’t say a single word about bloggers or their works. I’m guessing that’s one of the Things She’s Learned from John Malkovich.