Yes, I know. Not the cleverest headline I’ve ever come up with. Unfortunately, I can’t even figure out how this is supposed to work. Briefly, here’s [drumroll]the situation:[/rimshot] Two parties have now filed to make “The Situation,” nickname of Michael Sorrentino on MTV’s “Jersey Shore” monstrosity, a registered trademark. One petition was filed by some guy in Jersey who hopes to start a clothing line; the other was filed by Sorrentino’s brother, who runs a variety of pr0n sites out of Las Vegas. The Smoking Gun has the actual documents, if for some reason you want to study them. The complication here is that “The Situation” is Sorrentino’s nickname for his abs. What does this even mean? If the petition is registered, will you no longer be allowed to have abs? Are abs permissible, so long as you call them “The Quandary” or “The Fiasco” or something else clearly distinguishable from “The Situation”? My friends, this petition is opening a giant can of legal worms.

Regardless, I fully support the move to make “The Situation” a registered trademark, with the most serious penalties for infringement. Anyone, aside from this guy, who nicknames his sixpack “The Situation” should get a starring role in an edgy MTV version of “Survivor: Monster Island,” with no cameras and no survivors. And by “aside from this guy,” I mean especially this guy.