Spongebob always struck me as a fairly likeable fellow, but apparently marketing teams have identified a sizeable demographic of parents who hate the little guy and have a lot of unresolved hostility towards their own children. What else could explain the SpongeBob SquarePants Digital Thermometer, a strong contender for Worst Product of the Decade? According to the packaging, this horrid little contraption is suitable for “oral, underarm, or rectal use.” As if any child wanted to associate unpleasant, invasive procedures with a beloved cartoon character. Just to add insult to injury, the thermometer concludes each anal probing by playing the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song.

The problems with the SpongeBob SquarePants Digital Thermometer start with the basic concept and go on from there. Among other things, spinoff products like this aren’t going to clarify the dispute over SpongeBob’s sexuality. Although the notion of a cartoon character-shaped widget that sings a happy little song after boinking you in the poop chute certainly suggests SpongeBob might be gay. And a dom, at that.