Go ahead and mock Kevin Federline. Say what you will, the man continues to grow as an artist, if by “artist� you mean “cultural suicide bomber.� Now that he’s ruined trivial things like his wife’s career and the entire genre of rap, KFed is going after more significant targets. Rapper Sticky Fingaz is planning to give KFed the starring role in something called a “Shakespearian street hip hop movie,� which apparently is how idiots spell “Shakespearean.� By rights Sticky is the real guilty party here. However, the man did say, “I’m the talent, he’s just married to somebody,� so he’s clearly a few steps ahead of KFed on the evolutionary line that leads from pond scum to KFed and eventually to tsetse flies. We’ll kick him around on another occasion.

Personally, I see no reason for Mr. Spears to get his greasy, Cheeto-smelling meathooks all over the Bard. KFed’s own dramatic skills are developing in unique and interesting ways, as we saw on CSI, where he got pounded by Nick Stokes, and then on Monday Night Raw, when he got pounded by John Cena. If KFed plays this right, there might even be a weekly series here. I haven’t thought through the details yet, but I don’t think they’re all that important. Any premise would do, as long as: a) every single episode features at least ten solid minutes of KFed being beaten like a rented stepson, and b) the violence begins before the second commercial break. Stick with that formula, and you’d have a show that could go head-to-head with CSI and win the time slot.