Pete Doherty has been busy making insignificant headlines lately, and I’ve been feeling badly about ignoring him, so I thought a roundup would be proper. Pete and Babyshambles are on tour again, and this time, the quartet have abandoned the half-empty arenas for their usual sold-out, intimate venues. However, Pete got distracted while blogging and flooded his hotel suite:

[F]rom a hotel in Barcelona, he writes: “I was in bed by 3, watching Watership Down and working on some new songs.” He then explained that, instead of boozing, he went to the “trinket market” and bought a crucifix. But as he was letting his fans know about his fascinating day, he didn’t realise that he’d left the bath running. He adds: “S***. Pesky internet. Forgot about my bath and just flooded the bathroom. Oh dear. Oh dear oh deary lordy be. Ankle deep.”

That’s slightly embarrassing for the old chap, but at least Babyshambles have been declared more environmentally friendly than Sting. Hee.

Meanwhile, Pete is still convinced that U.S. authorities will grant him a work Visa, so he and Babyshambles can tour Yankland:

“Pete is sure he can crack the US. He has been saying that as they let The Beatles in, he should be fine.”

Right. In addition, Pete has begun to worry about the effects of his heavy drug use on his youthful glow. In fact, he’s started to actually wash his face:

“I now do the skincare thing every day. I have a night cream too, as I hate the dark circles under my eyes.”

Perhaps Pete’s looking to impress someone? Well, it won’t be Amy Winehouse, for she has grown tired of Pete’s presence. He reportedly only serves to remind Amy that her errant husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, actually got called out for his alleged offenses. Amy has expressed her displeasure as follows:

“Why have they given Pete so many chances? It’s not fair that my Blake is locked away. I thought they would give him bail, just like they do with Pete.”

Poor little druggie girl. Of course, this news comes amidst rumours that Amy rejected a lovelorn Pete (despite the nose-crotch connection of recent lore). However, some slightly more exciting tidbits have arisen about a certain new model, Portia Freeman, that Pete could possibly be dating. Nineteen-year old Portia is said to bear “an uncanny resemblance to Kate [Moss],” but top model Flea has assured me that this is not the case at all. Still, Portia is employed by the London-based modelling agency, Select, and is quite attractive in her modelling proofs:

Doherty is reportedly smitten:

“Pete is seeing Portia and he really likes her,” a source close to the troubled singer confirmed last night. They get to see each other at weekends when Pete isn’t touring with his band Babyshambles. She went back to Pete’s after watching him play a gig in December. It’s early days and they are enjoying each other’s company.”

“Portia is probably the best thing to happen to Pete. She is a very clean-living girl and not at all into drugs,” said a friend. He is trying to stick with his rehab programme and trying to stay clean. He is having regular counselling sessions and has been advised not to jump headfirst into any relationship. He wants to take things slowly. He really enjoys spending time with Portia. They love walking across the fields of the country estate where Pete rents a house.”

Portia’s father has denied that his daughter is in a relationship with Doherty, but we think that’s just wishful thinking. We’re talking about death-cheating Doherty, so, if course, it’s possible that Pete is dating Portia Freeman. He does, after all, have a thing for models.

Finally, Holy Moly predicts Doherty will be victorious in 2008:

After a nuclear explosion devastates London, Pete Doherty emerges from the ruins strumming his guitar and singing to an audience of cockroaches.

If anyone could manage to survive nuclear winter with the cockroaches, it would definitely be Pete fucking Doherty.