Okay, this is getting out of hand. Bad enough that Twilight fans are congregating (and plotting, most likely) at Twilight theme parties; bad enough that they’re clogging the intertubes with millions of pages of Twilight fanfic, dressing in Twilight-themed clothing, and generally scaring the shit out of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Now they’ve taken the next utterly logical, transcendently stupid step and formed their own religion. Cullenism is a simple faith, well suited to people whose taste in literature is as shaky as their grip on reality:
Their creed, say the Cullenists, includes a base set of beliefs that ‘Edward and the rest of the Twilight characters are real,’ that ‘[t]he Twilight series should be worshipped,’ and that ‘[i]f you are good in life, you will be bless[ed] with eternity with the Cullens.’
You’re also expected to read from the Twilight books every day, “like the Bible,” and to make a pilgrimage to Forks, Washington. (The setting for the books and the location for the films. Ironically, people in Forks are not Cullenists. Instead, they worship Stephenie Meyer as their own personal money machine.) Personally, I think the whole thing is a Scientologist plot. It would take something this dumb to make L. Ron Hubbard look like a serious thinker by comparison.
17 comments
I saw this on craigslist the other day:
http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/mis/1100653437.html
I really hope it was written by a 13 year old. Any other possibility scares me.
Twilight was my ex-wife’s favorite book. It looked stupid to me, but I read it after we divorced just to see if I’d missed something.
Nope. Stupid.
No wonder Pattinson doesn’t shampoo. He’s gotta throw those whackos off somehow, but, Robbie, it ain’t working.
Okay, they are taking this ‘Twilight’ maddness to a whole ‘nother level! a religion? it’s flippin book (which i did not read but saw the movie which blowed). The whole creeping into her room at night to watch her sleep, the fact that he might kill her, wants to drink her blood, follows her around town isn’t romance to me.
[...] There’s a blood sucker born every minute [Agent Bedhead] [...]
[...] Retards obsessed with Twilight take it one step further and create a whole retarded religion based on the idea that the retarded books are real. (AgentBedhead) [...]
Wow, this is real? Let’s declare this one a cult and pull a Waco on their collective ass.
This shit just gets sicker and sicker everyday doesn’t it? I knew I had a reason for congratulating myself for weaning my lil cousin away from that shite.
People are so retarded, it’s not even funny anymore.
Why would you WANT to go to Forks? That place in a Welfare-check ridden, messed up wasteland. I will never step foot near it again.
[...] WTF? Twilight fans formed their own religion… AgentBedhead [...]
Ok I read the book a while ago when it first came out and it was good…but I didn’t obsess over it like a crazy freak! Then everyone saw the movie (which sucked majorly) and everyone was obsessed with who knows what. They made a decent book into something retarded. Thanks for ruining for me you idiots!!! Oh and a Religion?!? Are you F-ing crazy???
[...] indulge in awesome new religion – Cullenism! Xenu who? Agent Bedhead Previous post in [...]
Okay I like the books a lot (though I am not an obsessive fan) I agree this is taking on colt like symptoms but these girls are being girls most will move on by the time all the movies are out people need to chill teenage girls have gone through phases and I like this phase better than the boy band one
Please, dear god, PLEASE tell me this is a joke. Honestly, I’ve read the books, I enjoyed them, but seriously people, GET A LIFE ’cause if this IS true, it’s honestly just sad.
This is a shame, the worst thing is that’s true what they say. They actually mean it. They are nuts. First, they insult Evanna Lynch, one of the nicest and sweetest girls because she choose Harry Potter over Twilight (something logic because she’s a Potter). And they call her “ugly, bad actress and jealous”, when she’s one the most beautiful,talented and humble people in the world. They called Stephen King jealous when his books has become such amazing films as The Shawshink Redemption, The Green Mile, Storm of the Century (a miniseries), The Stand, The Mist and The Shining. He’s got a mansion and his books has made 300-380 millon dolars. And now they dare to reject Jesus’s name to worship a freaking fictionary sparkling vegeterian vampire? Neither Harry Potter nor The Lord of the Rings fans has done something so stupid and blasphemous like this. Really, I never hated Twilight. But with the whole Evanna Lynch subject and this, I’m begun to hate it. This is ridiculus and shameful, and this people really needs some help.
[...] comment goes on for several more paragraphs, and every one of them is golden. Clearly Cullenism is on its way out, and James Cameron is probably scheduling a fitting for his new pontifical robes [...]