The recent straight-to-Walmart release of Jessica Simpson’s movie Blonde Ambition can’t have surprised anyone. The careers of both Jessica and her sister have been marked by a little early success followed by a long, fizzling diminuendo of failure. What’s interesting is that both Simpsons have become so bloated with fail that it’s proving to be too much for one woman to keep inside. Consider: first, associates of that emo band Fall Out Boy were blaming Pete Wentz’s girlfriend Ashlee for the band’s failure to get a single Grammy nod. A few days later, Jessica showed up to support her current boyfriend Tony “A Place for Ribs” Romo when the Cowboys took on the Eagles. After Romo played the worst game of his professional career, Terrell Owens warned her to “stay away,” and one Cowboys website speculated: “if Romo plays like this next week, Jessica Simpson will become the most hated celebrity significant other since Yoko Ono.”

Now Ashlee has released the first video from her upcoming third album, the one that’s supposed to save her floundering career. Unfortunately, no one noticed because that same day, Jamie Lynn Spears made a little announcement. A Simpsons friend pointed out the almost Shakespearean symmetry of the fiasco:

Her sister, Jessica, grew up in the shadow of Britney; it took years for Jess to separate herself from her. How ironic that Ashlee’s big day ends up spent in the shadow of Britney’s little sister.

Someone really needs to fix Kim Jong Il up with one of these girls. They’re like the Typhoid Marys of fail, or some weird neutron bomb that destroys careers but leaves buildings largely intact.