This has got to be the worst idea ever. Word is that Eminem and Kim Mathers are secretly engaged to be re-re-married. About the only bright side to this is that Marriage #3 might be relatively successful, considering how low the first two marriages set the bar. Last year’s re-marriage lasted 82 days, less than half of them together. And it still featured nothing like the incident from the first marriage in 2000 when Marshall drove Kim to attempt suicide after a concert in their home town of Detroit. The misogynistic, homophobic, chronically rageoholic rapper* had promised not to perform the song “Kim,” which described his fantasies of strangling his wife to death. Not only did he perform it, he used a blow-up sex doll to act out the fantasy and make sure everyone got the point.

Believe me, I admire commitment in a relationship and trying to make things work, but this relationship needs to be put out of its undying misery with a stake through its heart. If Kim throws the bouquet after they exchange vows, I’m expecting to see it caught by Jerry Lee Lewis’s 13-year-old cousin.

*Look, I think Eminem is extremely talented at what he does. I just don’t like what he does.

(Via Best Week Ever.)

See also Eminem Post-Nuptual Wrapup

UPDATE from AB at 11:00pm CST: The obligatory publicist denial has been issued, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the reports were true or false. Publicists get paid to lie - kinda like lawyers, but with far less interprofessional discipline.