This is going to suck. I admit that at first, I thought a remake might not be so bad. Gerard Baker was kickass as Leonidas in 300, and he might make a different but watchable Snake Plissken. And director Len Wiseman is no John Carpenter, but he’s not unambiguously horrible. But now Wiseman is off the project, and his replacement is…wait for it… Brett Ratner. That’s right, Brett freakin’ Ratner, the man whose career consists of killing the X-Men franchise and making endless remakes of Rush Hour, a movie so by-the-numbers derivative that the series effectively began with a remake.

Escape from New York, directed not by John Carpenter but by Len Wiseman Brett Ratner is like Escape from New York, starring not Kurt Russell but Steven Seagal Ashton Kutcher. Let’s hope that some cosmic alignment of essential decency prevents this abomination from ever making it to the theatre. Failing that, right-thinking people will simply have to pretend the remake doesn’t exist.