Oh, this is getting good. If you’ll recall, Tom “The Poison Dwarf” Cruise (pictured above as a one-man “Brady Bunch”) recently mended his relationship with news anchor Matt Lauer. Of course, our interpretation of events was that, as usual, the Cruise’s motives were quite insincere:

At a certain point, someone that Tom Cruise actually respects (i.e., a Scientology official, not some United Artists pissant) sat him down with a nice mug of hot cocoa and said something like this: “Tom, Valkyrie is fast approaching, and your public image still needs a lot of work. Perhaps you really should extend the olive branch to Matt Lauer. It really tainted your prior saintliness when you dared to call him ‘glib’ and stuck your almighty finger in his face, even though you were absolutely right to do so.”

Well, the PR machine has kicked into overdrive now, and Tom is temporarily humbling himself in order to woo asses into box office seats. Seriously, the guy is an actor, and, yes, he is was quite talented at his “craft.” Still, are we actually gonna to believe him (as a person) when he suddenly backtracks a few years and owns up to his own bizarre behavior? This happened at a press conference, natch:

“There are things that I could have done better. I could have handled things better. I was surprised at the criticism but it brought everyone closer together: Katie’s entire family and my family. Going through that stuff is not pleasant and I think it hit an extreme, but Kate’s a very sure and confident and strong woman. She gets it, you know. She is incredibly wise and very, very strong and confident, even though she is a very gracious and elegant person. As a father and a husband you want to protect your family and tell them not to worry because it is all going to be OK. You just learn from it and move on and I know that. I have a blessed life because I have a happy family and children that I adore and everyone knows how I feel about Kate. It just brought us even closer together.”

What a bunch of crap. Other than a brief admittance of imperfection, Tom essentially continued to gush about that “magnificent” woman yet again. The Cruise is an incorrigible mess and, thanks to his extensive Scientology reprogramming, he cannot cope with actual emotions and come off as even semi-believable, which is crucial in the film industry. As a studio head and leading man, I’d say that Tom’s credibility is basically shot to hell.