Oh please, let this be true. Until now, reports of a Playboy movie, directed by Brett “The Hack Is Back” Ratner, have pinpointed Leonardo Dicaprio to star as 81-year-old magazine publisher Hugh Hefner (and Lindsay Lohan as a Playboy bunny). Yet someone has started the most glorious new rumour that Tom Cruise is in negotiations to play Hefner, which would be an odd thing, unless Hugh wants to go for the, uh, closeted vibe in his film biopic.

Cruise’s publicist has not confirmed or denied this report, only stating, “A lot of people consider Tom for a lot of roles.”

An ambiguous source has contributed Cruise’s alleged opinion on playing the role of Hef:

“Tom knows of Hugh’s colourful past and thinks he would be the perfect person to bring it to the big screen.”

“He also thinks the role would be a challenge for him, and would remind people of his versatility as an actor. At the moment people are concentrating on his personal life, and his marriage to Katie - but he wants to remind them that he can act too.”

Cruise would be perfectly awful in a scene where “Hugh Hefner Gets Down With His Bad Self.” However, this role might certainly condemn him to a future entirely behind the camera, so all would not be lost. Meanwhile, Fox News describes Cruise’s portrayal of Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg in the upcoming Valkyrie film:

Cruise wears an eye patch and a Nazi uniform, but speaks with the same flat, unaffected American accent that places him somewhere between Redondo Beach and Johnny Rockets. It’s absolutely hysterical to hear and see a boyish Nazi with blazing white perfect teeth and that voice announce, “We must kill Hitler.”

If you’ve somehow missed the trailer, you can find it below the fold:

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