The Agent has decided she’ll do no more Tom Cruise posts until the couch-jumper emerges from his Fortress of Solitude and says or does something halfway interesting, or at least entertainingly demented. So we can all thank Xenu that there are other closeted adherents of a deranged pop-culture pseudo-religion ready to step into the breach and cover for Tom, as it were.

Not that I think this has anything to do with this photo from National Enquirer of John Travolta very warmly greeting a traveling companion. No, not even after reading the striking parallels Todd from I Don’t Like You in That Way found between this picture and several years’ worth of blind items in the dead-tree gossip columns. After all, Mr. Travolta is a widely traveled man, and he knows that in many cultures a kiss on the lips between two men is nothing more than a friendly way of saying hello. Plus, if you get lucky, it can lead to a session of sweaty, furious buttsex.