Over the weekend, It appears that Trent Reznor went and did (according to a certain segment of his rabid fanbase) the unthinkable by marrying his fiancé, Mariqueen Maandig. While no formal announcement has been made (and, seriously, don’t expect one), this information comes via an alleged wedding guest, Danny Lohner, as well as a tip from this lovely lady. In response, we wish a very sincere congratulations to these crazy kids.

Now, I’ve got something to say in regard to negative comments made here and over there about an apparently short courtship and shocking lifestyle differences between Rez and his lady. First, nobody knows for sure how long these two have been dating. All we know is that they went public in early May of this year, which isn’t a positive indicator of a short relationship by any means. Also, contrary to word of mouth, Mariqueen is actually 28-years old (not 22) and characterizes herself as an “ex-smoker,” so I imagine she’s not exactly boozing it up and inviting her now-husband to fall off the alcoholic wagon either. And that rather tasteful Playboy spread is a complete non-issue as well.

Any alleged incompatibility of a very prolific, famous musician and his now-wife is none of our fucking business, and I can definitely understand why Reznor has been defensive on the topic. Look, the guy catalyzed the transformation of the music industry by giving away two consecutive albums for free download and making possible the giveaway of significant gigabytage (madeup word that signifies “over 400 fucking GB”) of concert footage. In addition, Reznor sacrificed his own time and well-being to attempt to save a life and open discussion about healthcare reform, which is not to mention his outstanding April Fool’s joke and multiple efforts of interacting with his fans.

After all of the above, give or take another two decades of musical output and near-constant touring, some of Reznor’s so-called devoted fans (i.e., those who masturbate every night to his biceps) have the audacity to tell him who he can & cannot date. Now, when a little girl comes home crying because her 3rd-grade classmates made fun of her glasses, and her mother says, “Honey, they’re only jealous of you,” that’s a load of crap. In the case of Trent Reznor’s new bride, however, the jealousy is authentic, for anyone who’s got the nerve (plus the disposable anergy & time) to take issue with this marriage is incredibly bitter because, hey, you had plans for Trent. He was supposed to marry you, right?