The topic of the Demystifying Divas and Men’s Club is an examination of the following broad theme: What lies do we tell to our significant others? Internet dating is the subtopic that I shall concentrate upon, but first, a more general diversion. Over the weekend, I had the distinct yet dubious pleasure of catching Jim Carrey’s Liar Liar on one of the cable networks. (Side Note: Has anyone else noticed that men tend to dislike Carrey almost universally?) In this comeback movie that followed the Cable Guy debacle, Carrey’s character functions as a blatant critique of human nature in general, and the convenient target for this satire would be the legal profession. Carrey plays Fletcher Reede, a liar lawyer who, at the bequest of an entity granting his son’s desperate wish, becomes unable to tell any untruths for a period of time. In an application to male and female relations, things get rather sticky:

(After sex)
Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?
Fletcher: I’ve had better.

(Upon arrival at the office)
Receptionist: Do you like my new dress?
Fletcher: What ever takes the focus off your head!

Obviously, these lines from the movie embody truths that need not be expounded upon. The so-called white lie is commonly accepted as graceful social decorum. No woman really wants to hear that she’s only your third most satisfying sexual conquest, although she probably shouldn’t be silly enough to ask such questions either. Now onto the lies that are truly reprehensible - those that wreak havoc upon relationships. In these matters, a good general rule is that while lying creates a problem for the future, truth puts a problem into the past (whether through reconciliation or splitting up).

It’s difficult enough to achieve relationship success, and as with most things, the internet has facilitated and complicated the process. Serial daters have always lied to get what they want, but internet dating has enabled these unsavory types to a greater degree of deception. If one woman won’t sleep with a guy on the first date, he can lie to get her out of the house and find someone who will. And when men are caught, they are surprisingly unrepentant, and bar has been lowered so far that women who despise deception come off as high-maintenance psychotics. In the instance of a man simultaneously pulling off two “serious” relationships, he doesn’t even have to enter the state of anger or guilt when confronted. Instead, they can just log onto a dating site and immediately start looking for a replacement beta female. It makes one feel rather disposable, doesn’t it?

At any rate, it is not at all unusual to become disillusioned with the world of online dating. Deception often occurs in regards to a person’s looks, interests, personality and even their mental stability. When chatting or emailing prospective dates, it isn’t unusual for people to lie about their age, their marital status, and what type of dating relationship they are looking for. Women’s profiles often state they are looking for “someone to complete me,” “make me laugh,” and even “Prince Charming.” Men, on the other hand, generally stress their desire for someone “honest and trustworthy,” “fun-loving,” and “down-to-earth.” Men also overuse a few other phrases such as “not an average Joe,” and the usual declaration that they are equally content “cuddling on the couch” as during “a night on the town.” And the ultimate shocker - the alcohol industry still thrives unmercilessly, despite so many allegedly being “tired of the bar scene.” For the most part, these phrases and a few others proliferate people’s summaries, and it all gets very cookie cutterish.

These venues make deception so incredibly easy. As I hinted above, a male can write in his profile that he wants to take it slow and “get to know someone,” but on that first date, his preferred sexual pace might prove to be exceedingly fast. After a woman I knows made it clear she didn’t want to go further, and decided to leave the pub. After making a stop in the restroom, she walked past his table, only to hear overhear him trying to find another last minute date via cell phone. Sometimes, one even shows up to a date to learn such interesting things like “Oh, did I tell you I was married?” or my personal favourite “Oh, did I tell you I was bipolar?”

Meeting and forming relationships on the Internet is rapidly becoming more commonplace, and it’s no longer as embarrassing to tell friends and family that you participate in online dating. Since these forums are relatively inexpensive and convenient timewise, these dating sites are well-suited to people from a culture such as the U.S., since Americans tend to value time as much as their money. In short, online dating has made it a hell of a lot easier to meet someone, but a lot harder to keep someone. As to truths in relationships, we have to wonder why, when the word dating can mean ten different things to the same number of people, why we bother with such utterly subjective labels. Categorization brings a degree of comfort however, and if one can learn to weather the internet dating scene, it may eventually bring that comfort - if a healthy dose of caution is applied.

Heh. Now make haste and read the opinions of Silk, Kathy, and our guest divas of The Shiela Variations and Twisty (representin’ Jersey). (Chrissy is taking a break to deal with important matters, but she shall return next week.) Then go visit the boys - The Wizard, Phinny, the charmingly Irish Stiggy, and those dastardly Naked Villains.