From the looks of this list of Tech-Free Celebrities, someone either doesn’t have an inkling about Scientology-related jargon or is completely fucking with Tom Cruise. Naturally, no one would dare fuck with Tom Cruise, so we’ll assume that the former shortcoming is responsible for the oversight of landing the Cruise on this list. You see, “Tech” is one of Tom Cruise’s very favourite things in life, well, other than swinging from chandeliers to express his undying love for one Katie Holmes.

In Scientology, “Tech” (or “Technology”) is a buzzword used to refer to L. Ron Hubbard’s sequentially-organized series of Scientology practices designed to carry one over “The Bridge to Total Freedom.” For those who haven’t been brainwashed, this so-called “Bridge” will only lighten your wallet and leave you feeling like you’ve been ass-raped by a shitload of disembodied and royally pissed off thetans, who only want to return to their rightful place in the science-fiction section of your nearest second-hand bookstore.

At the time of this publication, the Cruise was unavailable for comment, but it’s rather obvious that he would have preferred not to be included in a list of Tech-Free Celebrities. His statement would probably go something like this: “Look, you don’t know the history of psychiatry spiritual Technology. I do.”