Let’s play a little game, shall we? Suppose you just made a movie called”’I don”’t know, “Base Desires 2: Big-Money Gamble,” or something like that. And suppose everybody thought it sucked Tijuana donkey dicks. Would you be most likely to ascribe this suckitude to:

A) Bad acting;

B) Poor direction;

C) A weak script;

D) Some combination of A, B, and C: or

E) The life-hating agenda of Chimpy McHitlerburton and his puppeteers in the American Taliban.

For Paul Verhoeven, who directed Sharon Stone a few decades back in the original “Basic Instinct,” the answer is clear. “Anything that is erotic has been banned in the United States,” according to Verhoeven. “Look at the people at the top [of the government]. We are living under a government that is constantly hammering out Christian values. And Christianity and sex have never been good friends.” Scriptwriter Nicholas Meyer agreed: “It’s like the McCarthy era, except it’s not ‘Are you a communist?’ but ‘Have you ever put sex in a movie?’”

Not everyone buys this nitwit theory. Other Hollywood players interviewed in the article cited factors like a weaker international market, a dearth of decent scripts, and the rise of the internet, which allows those who are interested to see Sharon Stone’s baby-hole without paying ten bucks for the privilege. Verhoeven never did explain why a non-puritanical, downright sleazy Democratic president wasn’t able to convince people to watch his last erotic masterpiece.