Bloody hell! While I do assure you that the topic of the Poison Dwarf is indeed growing tiresome, an MSNBC article reveals that Tom Cruise’s performance in Valkyrie is not only “laughable” but even more cyborg-like than one could have ever hoped for imagined:

Those who’ve gotten an early glimpse say not only is the film nowhere near as exciting as a thriller, but Cruise’s performance elicits uncomfortable and inappropriate laughs.

Among them: A scene where Cruise’s character, Claus Von Stauffenberg, is forced to give the infamous “Heil Hitler” salute. “It’s an unsettling scene but you almost start to laugh,” the source says. “His character is resisting it but you never forget it’s Tom Cruise saying ‘Heil Hitler.’ It’s funny and shocking at the same time.”

Sources also described a scene where Cruise’s character Claus Von Stauffenberg removes a false eye. “It was disgusting,” said one person who saw the film. “It was like watching someone pluck their contacts out.”

Non-German accents aside and for brevity’s sake, this issue of false eye removal is unavoidably hilarious. In fact, one is instantly reminded of Arnold Schwartznegger’s eye-popping scene in the original Terminator film. This is truly beyond parody:

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