These posters for the upcoming season of the CW network’s “Melrose Place” reboot have been giving me absolute fits. While the manniquins actors appear to mimick tableau vivant, they really only pull off the disinterested-by-way-of-stupidity look. Could these people possibly be less interested in fucking each other? It’s a bloody soap opera, for crying out [...]

Well, I’ve never really been a Pete Wentz fan (nor an Ashlee Simpson one either), but I find myself just as perplexed as Firecracker when looking at these piccies. Damn, this is tough to admit, but Pete Wentz actually looks . . . rather hot. Of course, I’m not quite sure how Pete could go [...]

Ashlee Simpson is an unusual celebrity in that she remains famous despite her ability to go for weeks, even months, without doing or saying anything worth noticing. But for the past few days she’s been making up for lost time. First came the news last week that Ashlee and Pete Wentz were getting [...]

Remember when Ashlee Simpson did her fancy little gig on “Saturday Night Live” when the show’s crew inadverently (?) played the wrong backing track during Ashlee’s performance, and then the little scamp blamed her band for any mishaps that might have transpired? Unsurprisingly, Ashlee hasn’t been invited by SNL to reprise her stunning performance while [...]

Poor Ashlee Simpson has, in recent years, undergone so much plastic surgery that she cannot even mentally devise an accurate picture of what her nose has looked like in any incarnation. We’re of the opinion that the Allegory of the Cave would function as a relatively non-threatening, Platonic basis for continuing therapy sessions for Miss [...]

The security guards are on high alert in Times Square this New Year’s Eve, and for good reason. The revolting Carson Daily shall host NBC’s New Year’s Eve with musical performances by Lenny Kravitz, Carrie Underwood, Kid Rock, and Velvet Revolver. Hourly countdowns will be provided by Carson Daly, Ryan Seacrest, and, most importantly, [...]

The recent straight-to-Walmart release of Jessica Simpson’s movie Blonde Ambition can’t have surprised anyone. The careers of both Jessica and her sister have been marked by a little early success followed by a long, fizzling diminuendo of failure. What’s interesting is that both Simpsons have become so bloated with fail that it’s [...]

Kind of a slow news day, but Jessica and Ashlee Simpson probably wish it were even slower. First came the confirmation that Jessica’s movie Blonde Ambition, that slap-in-the-face ripoff of the perfectly decent Eighties movie Working Girl, really is so awful that it’s going straight to DVD. (With a brief detour in Texas, [...]