And here he is, ladies and gentlemen—just in time for the big day. In an online poll, Kanye West was the overwhelming pick for 2009’s Biggest Turkey of the Year. West was named by 42 percent of the poll’s respondents, putting him fully 13 points ahead of Jon Gosselin(!) and absolutely trampling weapons-grade douchebags like Levi Johnston, Spencer Pratt, and Michael Lohan. With results like these, it will not surprise you that 32 percent named Taylor Swift as the celebrity they’d most like to invite to Thanksgiving, although somehow George Clooney still managed to edge her out in that category. Even more mystifying, 30 percent named Kim Kardashian as the celebrity they’d most like to go shopping with on Black Friday, which sounds like an episode of Fear Factor that I couldn’t bring myself to watch.
But enough with the celebs. Now that the main course has been nicely roasted, I think it’s just about time to set the table and dig in. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. I’ll be back in a few days, after the tryptophan wears off.…
Where the Wild Things Are topped the weekend box office, which is real nice news for Mr. Jonze and all. But let’s not forget that, as usual, the real story is all about Kanye West. Jonze and Kanye have been collaborating on a short film project for several months now, and the result hit teh interwebz on Wild Thing’s opening weekend. Originally the film was planned as an extended video for one of the tracks on 808 and Heartbreak. Instead, it’s an 11-minute stand-alone short, featuring bits and pieces of “See You in My Nightmares.” The full-length version was quickly taken down, for various contractual reasons, but you can see nearly the whole thing here on YouTube. (Might be NSFW, depending on how your workplace feels about sex, violence, vomiting, couch-humping, and Kanye West in nearly every freakin’ frame. You might want to play it safe and stick with MTV’s detailed outline of the movie.)
A capsule review: Kanye turns out to have a real gift for playing a drunken, overbearing lout, and we can expect to see him exploring this persona in future public appearances. Moreover, any movie that shows Kanye hacking himself open with a bowie knife gets an automatic four stars in my book. Unfortunately (SPOILER ALERT!), the movie ends on a thoroughly downbeat note: Kanye survives the experience.…
Megan Fox owes Kanye West a muffin basket or something for showing that it’s possible to be a much, much worse person than Megan Fox. But Kanye’s little distraction wasn’t going to stop the Megan Fox/Jennifer’s Body publicity juggernaut, which will continue to roll for another week or so. That’s not all bad news, though. For one thing, I have a new hero in the form of interviewer Matt Zaller, who got to sit down with Megan and live out a fantasy shared by millions of people—he made her shut the hell up for a couple of minutes. Zaller was interviewing Megan and her costar Johnny Simmons, but he showed no interest whatsoever in Megan. The raving homosexual told her to hush once or twice, and finally insisted she put a bag over her head while he conducted an astonishingly boring interview with Simmons about his previous picture, Hotel for Dogs. Whatever her faults, Megan gets props for going along with the joke.
On second thought, forget about the muffin basket. Megan should send that bag to Kanye. Possibly a whole lot of bags. And a ball gag. And a lifetime supply of Antabuse. We’ve learned how to deal with the Megan Fox issue; now it’s time to solve the Kanye West problem once and for all.…
