The Daily Mail has issued screechings that Kate Moss has dared to dine at Cipriani in Mayfair whilst wearing “a see-through dress and NO underwear.” As per their usual accuracy rate, the partially reliable English redtop does have a point in regards to Kate’s braless chest. However, since the dress is indeed quite sheer, it seems rather obvious that Moss is wearing thong knickers underneath her dress. In addition, nothing quite says “controversy” like a supermodel who only wears a bra when getting paid to model a bra. Then again, this redtop must be credited for its refreshingly new angle on its usual knee-scrutinizing or content-lifting routine.

These pictures follow the semi-annual speculation that Moss has or has not been dumped as the face of Rimmel cosmetics. She has not, nor will she ever in the coming decade, be dropped by Rimmel. In addition, the catfight with Allison Mosshart over Jamie Hince rumours are becoming a bit tired as well. So, for a quick change of pace, Kate is reportedly performing a duet with Sienna Miller this weekend at an Agent Provocateur event in Austria. Oh, and then there are these faux commando pictures as well. Good times, mates.

Images: Daily Mail

Agent Provocateur has brought back Kate Moss as the model of a most bizarre, so-called White Wedding campaign. The advert campaign is complete with Moss in bondage, a duo of screaming popes, and a “Let Them Eat Kate” sort of mentality. Of course, this is a wholly sociopolitical stance, according to one of AP’s very own spokespeople:

The inspiration behind this really was not to question the idea of marriage but to question the moralistic and religious overtones that are placed on marriage. It’s like you have one life before you are married and are forced into a totally new life after marriage. I am not disagreeing with the wedding day, it is more the handing over of yourself to the powers of the state that I don’t feel is right.

Since Kate reportedly plans on a Cockney marriage for her and boyfriend Jamie Hince on September 6, I wonder how she feels about acting as the poster girl for the campaign. My guess is that, as long as the money is right, Kate doesn’t give a shit about much at all. Meanwhile, the lingerie label doesn’t worry that this anti-wedding campaign might hurt wedding lingerie sales:

On the contrary, we should see an increase in bridal lingerie sales. I am sure that many of our customers who are “unconventional brides to be” will choose to shop for their bridal lingerie and accessories at Agent Provocateur.

While I know that things are different in England as far as the state’s involvement in marriage is concerned, I don’t think we have the same concern across the pond. After all, the U.S. is, generally speaking, the great purveyor of the no-fault divorce. Only when children are involved does our government actually take more than a passing interest in all things marriage and divorce related.

On The Web: Agent Provocateur

Obviously, Pete Doherty’s temporary departure from society has really shaken up the English redtops, who don’t quite know what to do with themselves whilst Amy Winehouse is sleeping off the previous night’s bender. So, there is the rehashing of some old news of Pete’s blood paintings of himself, Kate Moss, and whatever else he fancies to scrawl with his trusty syringe. These tabloids speculate that Pete is selling off the paintings to pay his prison drug debts, and isn’t it such a tragedy that the so-called artist couldn’t make the gallery launch event? Whatever. This exhibit is actually a rehashed version of is an old “Bloodworks” showcase (we covered it in May 2007) that’s finally making its rounds to Paris.

In addition to the above sampler, you can see the entirety of the exhibit at the Bankrobber Museum of London website, where Doherty was showcased along such upstanding members of society as Damien Hirst.

Let’s see what else…. a correction comes today to our regretful participation in the Doherty eviction story, which we admittedly only published for the Photoshop factor. It seems that Doherty’s landlord, the Earl of Cardigan, denies evicting the wastrel from his rented home. Lord Cardigan emphatically stated, “I have not evicted him. You shouldn’t believe what you read in newspapers.” Natch.

Finally, Pete has allegedly been returning fan mail during his prison haze, and “die-hard fan” hopes to clear him of allegations of drug taking whilst in prison.

In his reply to one fan’s mail, Doherty writes, “All the best from The Scrubs. Tell ‘em I’m clean, countin! the days until the next freedom gig! Yours, Pete D.”

Hmm. Well, since this guy is a die-hard fan, he must be telling the truth. Oh, bullocks!

You can take the girl out of Croydon, but you can’t take the Chav out of the girl. That’s why we bring you the most trivial news ever.

Miss Kate Moss recently arrived back in L.A. after a day trip to Miami to shoot her latest cheap-ass Topshop line, and it appears that Moss forgot to zip her fly after a trip to the loo. Of course, if she wasn’t always wearing the same Jamie Hince-inspired grey, black, and striped ensemble lately, photogs would, presumably, have had more interesting things to zoom in upon.

Yeah, I know….she’s the “Best Dressed” woman in the world. Like she really gives a crap.

In other Kate Moss news, the eternal supermodel will reportedly reprise her relationship with lingerie powerhouse Agent Provocateur to model for a bridal-themed line. In addition, it’s been revealed that all ten of Moss’ luggage bags went missing for days in the recent Heathrow debacle that left an “estimated 28,000 that went missing.” However, unlike Naomi Campbell, Kate did not assault or spit upon any airline employees when she learned this distressing news.

Oh, bloody hell, mates. First off, I would like to thank those of you who emailed me about this story. I cannot begin to explain how flattering it is that, when you hear of a new exploitation for crackhead Pete Doherty, your minds automatically lead you to pass said tidbit onto me. On with the show, mates.

So, the English red tops are all aflutter with the latest revelations that Pete Doherty may be newly obsessed with Scientology. In particular, The Sun claims that Doherty has stocked up on Scientology literature after he was photographed walking next to “Scientologist DJ Nadine Ruddy.” Naturally, if one walks next to someone else, they automatically want to adopt their religion.

A source said: “Nadine is really into Scientology. She takes her beliefs very seriously. Pete’s chatted a lot with her about it. He went out and bought some books to read up about it. He just wanted to find out more about Nadine and what she believes in.”

This air of mystery can easily be interpreted as this: Pete Doherty, after hearing rumours of Kate Moss’ as-of-yet unconfirmed engagement to the ruggedly sexy Jamie Hince, wants to look like he’s getting laid too. And, as everyone knows, the quickest route into a Scientologist’s pants is to brush up on the terminology, and, when all else fails, nod politely and sign up for a few auditing courses. Sexy.

Obviously, Scientology loves celebrities, and Pete Doherty is more of a celebrity than any other musician in England. Further, Scientology has really yet to crack England in the same manner as it has anchored its tentacles throughout the United States. However, the image-conscious cult probably isn’t interested in the junkie wastrel as the new face of Scientology:

• Pete Doherty is anti-establishment to the point of advocating “petrol bombers, mate, and fighting in the streets.”
• Pete Doherty talks too much and is easily twice the loose cannon as Tom Cruise, who can at least stay on topic.
• Pete Doherty will never stop taking drugs. While Scientology would love to claim him as a Narcanon™ success, the risk of failure is approximately 137%.
• Tom Cruise and John Travolta would shit twice and die before allowing Doherty into the cult. ‘Nuff said.

However, some good can come of these Scientology rumours that stem from Doherty being photographed (below left) with Nadine Ruddy. This provides the excellent opportunity to slap Doherty’s head onto Tom Cruise’s tiny little body. Bless their little cotton socks.



03.28.08 (8) Comments | Link

Only the richest pop art aficionados would spend $30,000 to $40,000 on a single item on the March auction block at Christies in New York. Among these overpriced pieces of crap are nude shots of Kate Moss (in a highly unflattering pose) and Gisele Bundchen (who possesses a disproportionately tiny ass). The Daily Mail describes one of these works as “An innocent, unspoilt Kate Moss in a 1996 photographic portrait by Irving Penn.”

Ha! I hate to be the one to say this, but Kate Moss was spoilt long before 1996.

NSFW images on the next page.

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Sigh. One of my most notorious muses, Pete Doherty, has actually managed to bore the living hell out of me. This temporary realization has arrived upon the discovery of Doherty’s lame-ass YouTube channel, which is filled with lovely ten-second clips of his fucking cats. Fortunately, he isn’t shoving crack pipes down their throats, but there’s a bit of idiotic, illicit behavior in this “ch1ckenp1pe” clip. If you’re in the mood for the worst that Doherty’s lo-fi approach to artistry has to offer, be sure to check out his hurl-inducing, Cloverfield-inspired excursion into motion sickness, “kiss me now that i’m older.” Only if you brush your teeth, dahling.

Perhaps the most telling indication of Pete’s slide into oblivion is that the U.N. has taken interest in the junkie rocker (along with Amy Winehouse and Kate Moss) as a terrible influence on his impressionable young fans. As we all know, once the would-be policy makers take notice, the thrill is long over. Step it, up mate.

Our favourite recovering cokehead supermodel, Kate Moss, appears in a very avant-garde fashion shoot, which contains 18 prints of the model locked out of the exclusive (and historic!) Pierre Bergé-Yves Saint Laurent Foundation in Paris. The fashion house’s creative director, Stefano Pilati, personally chose Moss for the Spring/Summer 08 advert campaign. Of particular note is that Kate appears to have forgotten her skirt shirt in most of these shots. Is shirt off sick?

According to Pilati, Moss is said to embody “timeless beauty” for Yves Saint Laurent, and, Kate is, apparently, the perfect blank slate with which to promote Yves Saint Laurent’s twisted logic masquerading as democracy:

Pilati, like Saint Laurent himself, believes in the fairness of democracy, so these pictures will appear in 24-page magazine, Manifesto, printed on recycled newspaper.

Two million free copies will be handed out on Saturday in London and Milan, and then later in Paris, New York and Tokyo. “My aim is to speak to everyone with the same spirit and message,” says Pilati.

Yes, every one of these freely available magazines glorified adverts all contain the same pictures of Kate Moss selling $1600 - $8000 dresses and suits. This groundbreaking evenhandedness is, of course, the essence of democracy. Oh yes, and she is topless.

Previously: Because Nothing Sells Expensive Crap Like A Nice Set Of Boobies

Images from Metro UK and the Daily Shite Mail.