Or something like that. The new year is now more than 100 hours old, and already it’s assuming its own distinctive character. You could also call it the Year of Hilariously Inappropriate Couples. Case in point: Katy Perry and Russell, who seem to be engaged. Granted, that’s not really all that inappropriate a union. In some ways these two actually seem to deserve each other, and for at least a little while they’ll be doing the Lord’s work by keeping each other from getting involved with other people who don’t deserve that kind of punishment.

A more problematic case is the Marilyn Manson/Evan Rachel Wood ménage. These two are taking their dysfunctionality to the next level by also getting engaged. Manson proposed to his (*ahem*) youthful lover from the stage at a show in Paris, and Evan said yes. Either she didn’t want to publicly humiliate Manson, or she has a powerful need to humiliate herself. Either way, it will be interesting to see how durable this marriage is. My guess it will make your typical Bolivian government look like a model of stability.…

Say what you will about Marilyn Manson: he knows how to lure a woman back into his clutches. Apparently it’s all about writing a song called I Want to Kill You Like They Do in the Movies and dedicating it to your lost love, or telling the press, “I have fantasies every day about smashing in her skull with a sledge hammer.” It’s an unorthodox technique, but evidently that’s the secret to winning back Evan Rachel Wood, because now the batshit insane young actress and the aging but highly successful rocker are back together again.

Perhaps you’re thinking that “batshit insane” sounds a little harsh and judgmental. Sure, she and Marilyn are an unorthodox couple. But Evan has done some interesting work, and she’s pretty enough that certain incredibly shallow people (me, for instance) would forgive almost any misbehavior on her part. But let’s look at who she dropped in order to return to Manson (picture below the cut):…

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Well, lookie here. Rose McGowan has ended her engagement to Robert “Rebel Without A Crew” Rodriguez. No reasons have yet to be revealed for this inevitably “amicable split,” but I think we all know why or, at the very least, can take an educated guess. Here’s the rel…

Now that’s something you don’t see everyday… two of Marilyn Manson’s ex-girlfriends onstage together. As one would expect, Rose McGowan looked distinctly less than pleased to be standing onstage with Evan Rachel Wood (a.k.a. McGowan Model T-300) at the Hollywood For…

Marilyn Manson clearly doesn’t handle breakups well—according to the link, he fantasized about smashing in Evan Rachel Wood’s skull with a hammer. Then he got really annoying. But now he’s on the rebound, and it’s nice to see that the fortyish weirdo is picking on someone a little more suitable. Specifically, Lady Gaga, whom he’s courting with the patented Manson charm:

As the two singers… watched Gaga passionately kiss a male model in the video clip for her new song ‘Paparazzi’, the 40-year-old musician [Manson] moaned and said: “I’d like to be that guy. I’ll give you a cervical exam.”

I swear, next time it’s Ladies’ Night at my local singles bar I’m going to use that line and make out like a bandit. Actually, Gaga-Manson makes a certain amount of sense. She’s still age-inappropriate, but in terms of weirdness, fashion sense, and general attention whoring they’re a good match. Also, Gaga is climbing the charts while Manson has entered what a much better musician called “the downward spiral.” Once she realizes that, she’ll drop Manson like a hot potato. Given Manson’s response to breakups, that might put an end to the Gaga menace once and for all.…

I guess it’s true: sometimes a stay in prison is just what a man needs to turn his life around. Boy George’s fashion sense is still horribly deformed, but he’s looking slimmer, a little taller…. No, wait. That’s not Boy George, it’s Marilyn Manson, looking even worse than usual. The horribly deformed fashion sense threw me for a moment, not to mention the serious facial bloat. Manson was out on the town Tuesday night with Isani Griffith, who took over as Marilyn’s girlfriend after Evan Rachel Wood quit the job last November. (You can see more pictures of the happy couple at Just Jared, although God knows why you’d want to do that to yourself.)

Marilyn’s best days as a shock rocker are pretty much behind him, but the world of entertainment is full of other options. If he ever wants to try out for the role of Emperor Palpatine in a touring production of “Star Wars on Ice,” I’d say he’s got the part nailed.…