I have a confession to make — very few musicians exist that I’d prefer to rescue me from peril than Jack White of the the Raconteurs and the White Stripes. Unfortunately, rock concerts themselves present immediate danger with little chance of such a rescue. At a 1996 Smashing Pumpkins concert in Dublin, Ireland, a 17-year old girl was once so severely crushed that she went into cardiac arrest and later died at a hospital. Even though 110 security guards were present, the girl’s trauma wasn’t noticed until it was too late. Of course, several other crowd stampede deaths have occurred at rock concerts, including shows by The Who, Public Enemy, AC-DC, and Pearl Jam.

Sometimes, these disasters are averted, and a recent Raconteurs show, Jack White himself noticed a girl who had fainted, so plucked her out of the crowd. The scoop comes from the Kansas City Star’s Back to Rockville blog:

•B2R reader Vicky said: “We were front, right. Seems the girl passed out and was handed forward. Jack came off stage and picked her up. She was very limp. He handed her off to the security, and she was taken backstage. After a few moments he was back on stage, recouped and finished “Carolina.” I hope she is OK. Wish it had been me.”

•Wrote KevRocket: “We were in the balcony, so we had a pretty clear view of the incident on the front row. A security person/bouncer stopped right in front of where the young lady was standing/leaning. He then walked away, and I saw Jack just staring that same direction. I knew something was wrong when Jack came to the edge of the stage. I was surprised when he ended up picking this girl up and out of harm’s way. I have seen a lot of concerts, and that was a first.”

Jack White quite likely saved this girl’s life. Do you think you’re gonna get that kind of service at a Justin Timberlake concert? Not bloody likely. JT wouldn’t want to ruin his precious manicure.

So, after I admitted my fading resistance to all things John Mayer, I also sort of realized that his music career isn’t merely a tabloid construct. Indeed, Mayer is actually a very good singer and guitarist, which is especially notable considering his douchebag status. Earlier today, I stumbled across a short film called, “Makin’ Music With John Mayer.” In the short, which was co-produced by Judd Apatow and Conan O’Brien, John spoofs the cliché of the artist who no longer wants for anything and has therefore lost his artistic edge:

Having not been inspired since 2004, I’ve established an idea room.

One of John’s employees tosses out song ideas, one of which is the classic boy-meets-girl / boy-loses-girl / boy-filled-with-regret storyline. His ideas are quickly shot down:

If I can’t get the girl, then why don’t I just tell her I’m John Mayer? How about something that everyone can relate to, like, when you’re fucking one supermodel and make the other ones jealous?

A few other highlights of the video include the employee hired only to do drugs and communicate his angst to John, who tells the guy to snort faster, which will, ideally, produce some song inspiration. Then there’s this little gem:

Have all the chords in music been found? Most people say yes. I say, “Not so fast, asshole.”

Catch the amusing short film below. Also present is a new PSA by John in full-on dork mode:

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Kermit always struck me as one of the more emo characters on a fairly emo children’s TV show, a quality I attributed to lingering Seventies damage and PBS funding. However, I might have been wrong about that. On his MySpace page, Kermit explains:

Soon after the death of Jim Henson, Sad Kermit spiraled downward into a life full of addiction, romance and pain. The songs and videos on this webpage shed light on Sad Kermit’s descent into his dark, hurting world.

Kermit’s page includes videos for several of his songs, and man, are they depressing. I’d seen his performance of Trent Reznor’s “Hurt” and thought it was surprisingly good, but wait ‘til you see Kermit sing Elliot Smith’s “Needle in the Hay,” complete with a re-enactment of the suicide scene from The Royal Tenenbaums. It’s beginning to look as if Kermit’s big problem with Sesame Street might be that the show isn’t nearly emo enough.

(Via Buzzfeed.)

Hot damn. Trent Reznor and his online alias, “2fragile4u,” are giving away more free shit.

Following the response to Trent’s release of the free single, “Discipline,” he’s releasing yet another lovingly crafted single, and yes, it’s completely gratis as well. Download “Echoplex,” and then Digg It, baby. Trent likes that.

Word has it that a huge NIN-oriented announcement will be coming on May 5th, and methinks it might just be a new album. Something tells me that Trent won’t be giving it completely away this time around, but, then again, his recent “free” album Ghosts I-IV , grossed a tidy $1.6 million in its first week with very little overhead:

So, Trent Reznor didn’t do jack crap as far as advance publicity or marketing is concerned. He doesn’t have to worry about handing anything over to a record label. Now, I may not know much about the music industry, such as it is, but I think Trent just smacked them pretty good. In fact, my uneducated opinion tells me that this is the most brilliant record buzz since the “remember to drink the water . . . it’s good for you” campaign that Trent launched last year. Good times, mates.

The man truly has his fingers on the pulse of the internet. The rest of us are only guessing.

Images: lolnin.com

Oh, this is sweet. Akon is the hottest R&B singer on the current scene, with an American Music Award, a Teen Choice award and album sales in the millions. The singer has always attributed his success to the four hard years he spent in a Georgia prison after The Man took him down as the kingpin of a nationwide auto theft ring. Akon’s badass criminal past and his time on the inside have been a major inspiration for his music, as you might guess from albums like Trouble, Konvicted, and the upcoming Acquitted and Double Jeopardy. Now the hardworking bloggers at The Smoking Gun have looked into Akon’s criminal record and discovered that he’s mostly guilty of a criminal assault on the truth with intent to blow smoke up your ass.

Akon’s past has its skanky moments, the Smoking Gunslingers learned. He’s been arrested a few times, and in 1998 he pled guilty to illegal handgun possession, a felony that earned him three years’ probation. A few months later he was arrested in Georgia for driving a stolen vehicle, and spent five months in a DeKalb County jail before all charges were dropped. And that’s it: no car-chopping ring, no four years in the Big House, and no risk of “75 years” in prison, as Akon once claimed. Robert McFarlane was an officer who worked on the stolen-vehicle case, and here’s his take on Akon’s story:

McFarlane… laughed out loud when told of Akon’s claims about running a “notorious” auto theft ring, owning chop shops, and being brought down by turncoat underlings. “Ah, this is bullshit. This guy is so phony. He’s an arrogant SOB,” said McFarlane. Asked about Akon, Brewer said, “I don’t think he had any role besides [wanting] to drive a high-dollar vehicle. And I say this because we didn’t link him to any other cars.”

Read the whole thing. It’s very long, and totally worth it. It’s sad that Akon thought a hardcore criminal past would improve his marketability, and even sadder that he was probably correct. This story might well have an impact on both his reputation and his album sales. But his talent for creating a gigantic wad of outrageous bullshit and making it sound plausible for years at a time suggests that Akon still has a bright future in politics.

At times like these, it’s appropriate to reflect on some inaugural Snoop Dogg lyrics:

Let me hear ya say
Woof! mothafucker, Woof! mothafucker
Bow-wow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yay (come on, everybody say)
Everybody, let me hear ya say
Woof! mothafucker, Woof! mothafucker
Bow-wow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yay

It all seems so obvious now that this cowboy thing must have been part of Snoop Dogg’s master plan. Or, maybe he just got ahold of some particularly strong chronic.

On The Web: CMT Music Awards 2008

On a lazy Friday when I also have deadlines elsewhere to meet, a little New Kids On The Block nostalgia isn’t exactly untimely, considering the group’s recently announced reunion. These guys used to be so phenomenal that they could heal the sick:

At a New York concert, a young autistic girl was attending with her older siblings and mother. Suddenly she snapped into lucidity, grabbed her mother and said her first words “I want Joe.”

Ever the eternal heartthrob, Joey McIntire has talked of anticipation for the NKOTB upcoming tour:

“Our fans are between 25 and 35 now because they were really young then. They’re still very attractive — and very legal… I know my wife’s going to be there every step of the way, but it’s still going to be fun.”

Yeah, the wife isn’t just tagging along for the fun of it, methinks. Of course, these guys look even hotter these days, so it’s probably a wise move on her part.

Source: Popbitch

On The Web: www.nkotb.com

Oh, fuck it. I just wrote a very detailed post about Shirley Manson’s upcoming mid-2008 solo album and the fact that Garbage will soonafter hit the studio to write and record their fifth album; but, evidently, you weren’t supposed to read those words because our server chewed them up. You’re just gonna have to believe me about that because — let’s face it — who reads every word of that shit anyway?

However, it bears reiteration that Butch Vig, the unconventially sexy drummer of Garbage, spoke of what’s coming in the first installment of “chapter two” of Garbage’s history:

“[W]e don’t necessarily want to repeat ourselves and do that electronica/rock/hip-hop beats/pop melodies with noise and guitars … however you would describe us. I think we’re interested in making something that’s much more sort of primal and stripped down … So I think we could make a completely different record than anything we’ve done before. It’ll probably be commercial suicide, but the music business is so f*cked up now, maybe it’ll be the most inaccessible record of our career and we’ll have it be the biggest hit.”

Ahh, Butch Vig. Upon his request, I would follow him to the ends of whatever strange lands, hem his pants while he wears them, and so much more. Also, Shirley flew back to her own Edinburgh, Scotland for some ambassadorial duties for the AIDS charity Waverly Care. Yay, goodwill.

Previously: Garbage Out, Garbage Back In, The World Is Not Enough For Shirley Manson