Snoop Dogg Sings in German

Snoop Dogg’s paw prints are everywhere lately. When he’s not doing exciting things like freaking everyone’s shit out at the CMT Music Awards, he’s been guest-starring on daytime soap “One Life to Live” (thanx to GroovyVic), chilling with Willie Nelson in Amsterdam, and making recent strides to win a visa battle and gain re-entry to the U.K.. Unfortunately, not everything Snoop touches turns to gold, for he’s reportedly been in the studio with Lindsay Lohan to help her with Plan B when her acting career finally implodes. Alas, word on the street is that Lohan’s new music sucks pretty hard no matter who helps her out. Too bad.

If Snoop runs fast enough, he might just maintain his lucrative career and make a few more bizarre German commercials like the above video, in which he sings in German as an homage to singer Roy Black. Fo shizzle.

At times like these, it’s appropriate to reflect on some inaugural Snoop Dogg lyrics:

Let me hear ya say
Woof! mothafucker, Woof! mothafucker
Bow-wow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yay (come on, everybody say)
Everybody, let me hear ya say
Woof! mothafucker, Woof! mothafucker
Bow-wow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yay

It all seems so obvious now that this cowboy thing must have been part of Snoop Dogg’s master plan. Or, maybe he just got ahold of some particularly strong chronic.

On The Web: CMT Music Awards 2008

Jake Gyllenhaal recalls his days as a lowercase g. (The Blemish)

Gwen Stefani & No Doubt circa 1989. (Celebrity Smack)

Nancy Grace: Let the postpartum depression watch begin! (Celebitchy)

Kyle MacLaughlin really digs golf balls and tea-soaked biscuits. (Ayyyy!)

Shia LaBeouf gets arrested to distract attention from his lame name. (IBBB)

Will Smith says that only Tom Cruise can match his desire. (GB)

Amy Winehouse inspires disgust in Snoop Dogg. (POTP)

Martian Child: Seemingly scripted by General Mills and Kleenex. (Pajiba)

Many people do not like the Spice Girls’ music. (Flea Towers)

Angelina Jolie doesn’t want to talk about it. (HO)

Nicholas Cage goes batshit crazy. (CityRag)

When Snoop Dogg isn’t busy fucking with the Aussie immigration process, he takes time out to offer refuge to those who do the “hard drugs” as opposed to the “mellow stuff.” As such, Snoop has spoken out to Amy Winehouse:

Snoop is a massive fan of the star - and credits Winehouse’s sophomore album Back To Black with inspiring him to make a complete solo LP of his own.

He says: “I want her to know that if she needs a place to chill for a bit, my hood is her hood.”

While Snoop claims to offer refuge and potential salvation, Winehouse is (not surprisingly) offered nothing by Pete Doherty, who was reportedly present and fled the scene when Winehouse recently overdosed. This Doherty omission supposedly occurred on August 8, which was a day after Pete was banned from London until his September 4th court date. Not that a court-ordered exile meant anything to Doherty, and yet, I digress.

Apparently, London is a very small town in that Doherty claims to share a drug dealer with Amy and husband Blake Fielder-Civil. Concerning the night of Amy’s OD, Pete has supposedly bragged to pals, “I did what Amy did that night - but I can handle it.” By “it,” Pete refers to a Speedball, or a mixture of heroin and cocaine injected by needle. This is the same drug cocktail that killed River Phoenix outside the Viper Room nightclub. This would likely have also been Amy’s fate if not for the spiffy adrenaline shot she received.

Last week, Amy and Blake vacationed in the Caribbean, where Amy took scenic tours of the loo while vomiting blood all over her St. Lucia Jade Mountain luxury suite. She also reportedly refused medical assistance and then proceeded to hurl all over the resort’s only restaurant. Now, the happy couple has flown back to London, (thanx to Sondra K) and it’s a very convenient time, for “Amy is tipped to win the Mercury Music Prize tonight.”

As the couple strolled through the London airport (above left), Blake held the couple’s framed wedding photo (above right). Although the couple has visited rehab twice in recent weeks, Blake says, “We vehemently deny the stuff about drugs. It’s speculation — it’s rubbish. We admit things have been a little crazy and have to change. We’re going to sort ourselves out.” Yeah, whatever.

On a brighter note, Pete Doherty is addicted to Sudoku now. Good times, mate!

This advert campaign puzzles me, which isn’t surprising since I lost touch with the concept of MTV about a decade ago. Damn, that makes me feel old and decrepitated.

Apparently, Snoop Dogg has partnered up with MTV Australia to gather petition signatures for his immigration process to the land down under. If Australia does grant him eventual citizenship, they can look forward to his substantial tax revenue. However, since Snoop is a self-professed “pimp,” the country can also look forward to a massive spike in prostitution and associated crimes. Hmmm, that’s a tough choice . . .

The best thing about fame is flying on a private jet. - fergie

"If you want to save the planet, I want you to start jumping up & down. Come on, motherf*ckers!" Madonna

"Six degrees could separate us from a global environmental disaster of epic proportions." Kevin Bacon

"Can you believe I’m getting back together with those girls? What am I thinking?" Ginger Spice

"Cows fart & so do I." Dave Matthews

"Everyone who did not arrive on a private jet put your hands in the air." Simon Le Bon

"I want a fag. You can’t smoke anywhere in here." Liam Gallagher

"Just by being here today, just by turning up, is helping [sic] to create awareness of this very life-threatening situation." Toni Collette

"Snoop upside yah head! Where the ladies at??" Snoop Dogg

"C’mon, this is important!" Pauly Shore

"You know, sometimes, walking away from old habits is a hard thing to do. But that’s because it’s the right thing to do." Fergie

"[This] is not about gloom & doom. It’s a celebration." Philosopher / actress / great piece of ass Cameron Diaz

"Let’s make this world a better place! Peace be with you!" Yusef Islam, aka Cat Stevens, who previously called for the murder of Salman Rushdie

"I have a hybrid car that I try to use more than my other car." Linkin Park’s Mike Shinoda

"What is my eco-sin? I don’t know if that is that provocative a question for me. I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure out what my motivation is." Crashing bore / former Jessica Simpson squeeze John Mayer

"What once seemed like science-fiction is now an inconvenient, if undeniable, truth." Renowned scientist / sometime actor Leonardo DiCaprio

"It’s just an enormous pop concert, or the umpteenth time that Madonna or Coldplay get up on stage." Sir Bob Geldof

See also Eurovision Kicked Live Earth’s Ass

Nuance, because sometimes a ho is a ho or in the words of N.W.A. a Bitch Iz a Bitch.

Lets describe a certain female. a female with the disease of character
And attitude. if you will, a snob. however, in a view of nwa…

A bitch is a bitch
So if Im poor or rich
I talk in the exact same pitch
Now, the title bitch dont apply to all women
But all women have a little bitch in em

A Bitch Iz a Bitch was released in 1989 by NWA, including Dr. Dre, who helped Snoop along the way when Dre and Suge Knight formed Death Row Records. With a twenty year history of denigrating chickenheads women we shouldn’t be surprised that Snoop D-O-Double-G can rationalize referring to women as whores:

Snoop Dogg has issued a new warning: Don’t dare to compare his lyrics — or any other MC’s — to syndicated radio host Don Imus’ recent racially inflammatory comments about the black women on the Rutgers University women’s basketball team. Imus called them “nappy-headed ho’s,” among other insults.

Admittedly, Snoop and some of his peers have called women “b—-es” and “ho’s” in their lyrics, but as the Dogg put it Tuesday afternoon (April 10), there is no parallel to what Imus said.

“It’s a completely different scenario,” said Snoop, barking over the phone from a hotel room in L.A. “[Rappers] are not talking about no collegiate basketball girls who have made it to the next level in education and sports. We’re talking about ho’s that’s in the ‘hood that ain’t doing sh–, that’s trying to get a n—a for his money. These are two separate things. First of all, we ain’t no old-ass white men that sit up on MSNBC [which announced Wednesday it would drop its simulcast of Imus' radio show] going hard on black girls. We are rappers that have these songs coming from our minds and our souls that are relevant to what we feel. I will not let them mutha—-as say we in the same league as him.”

Like I said, he’s gots nuance, yo. Now if he could just get me a rational explanation of his prolific use of “nigga” I might could start to understand hip-hop. Come on Snoop help a brotha out.

Daniel Craig dresses down and looks just as hot as in his Bond suits. (Flea-o-matic)

A former American Idol contestant apparently has an explicit sex tape. (The Blemish)

Jessica Simpson has some hygiene issues. (I’m Bringing Blogging Back)

Kylie Minogue’s new look resembles Patricia Arquette or Nicole Kidman. (Celebrity Smack)

Heather Mills tried to bag Mick Jagger, but Paul McCartney fell into her trap first. (Glitterati)

Paris Hilton v. Dick Cheney: One of them is “The Root of all Evil.” (Pajiba)

The Real World Vegas 2: Back at the Palms Hotel and Casino Resort and a new chance for impregnation of Trishelle. (Evil Beet)

Snoop Dogg really should have dropped it while it was hot. (Celebitchy)

Demi Moore gets all serious in Striptease: Ahhhh, the mammaries. (CityRag)