The super smashing sixth season cast of VH2′s ratings embarrassment, “Da Surreal Life,” features an all-star cast of C-List celebrities. The list features the news anchor who made New Orleans even more catastropic than it truly was, SHEPARD SMITH; the man most famous for absolutely nothing, KEVIN FEDERLINE; our favourite cokewhore supermodel, KATE MOSS; the most racist black man ever featured on live television, KANYE WEST; the quintessential world-class party girl fresh from her E! cancellation, TARA REID; and the celebrity politicial de jour and token actual A-List celebrity, SEAN PENN. Also recently signed on include the posh and spicy VICTORIA BECKHAM and SPECIAL GUEST STAR SCIENTOLOGIST JENNA ELFMAN.

Obviously, we haven’t a clue what outrageous stunts will occur once these celebs are forced to live together and endure each other’s company in the confinement of a solitary luxury estate. Since we cannot live vicariously through their adventures just yet, let’s at least take a peek at their recent pearls of wisdom, shall we?

“I like guys with love handles.”

“I hate being tickled. Sure, it makes me laugh, but when I get tickled, I get pissed off. I’m like a monkey when I get tickled – woo-hoo!”

- Tara Reid

“A video? What video? F*** off, I don’t want to know.” “F*** off, f*** off, f*** off, f*** off! Just f*** off!”

- Kate Moss

On his profession:

“I am very sorry, which is all I can say.”

“It was my fault.”

- Shep Smith

“I don’t whats (sic) better gettin laid or gettin paid.”

“George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”

- Kanye West

On being married to Britney “Hoo-Ha” Spears:

“It is a documentation of love.”

- Kevin Federline

“…I don’t consider myself specifically political, you know? I think of working as an actor as being a human thing.”

- Sean Penn

“I haven’t read a book in my life. I haven’t got enough time. I prefer to listen to music, although I do love fashion magazines.”

- Victoria Beckham

And this season, SPECIAL GUEST STAR SCIENTOLOGIST JENNA ELFMAN joins the show as the cast’s full time and on-call therapist/advisor. Yes that’s correct. America’s number five celebrity scientologist will take this wild bunch under her Zeno wings and help them through the strains of reality television.

“AIDS is a state of mind, not a disease. Get over it! They’re babies, for Buddha’s sake!!”

- Jenna Elfman

Scheduled to on air on VH2 approximately when hell freezes over, the sixth season of “Da Surreal Life,” will see this brand new cast move through a maze of outrageous events including taking over a meat-packing plant and mudwrestling with The Dove Girls, as well as chakra-based sex therapy with SPECIAL GUEST STAR SCIENTOLOGIST JENNA ELFMAN. The slightly more notable Tom Cruise could not be reached for comment.

VH2′s “Da Surreal Life” is executive produced by Quasi-Intellectual Crap Entertainment and SADIE LOU!!!! will oversee the series for VH2. Log on to VH2.com now for all the dirt on the new cast!

More White Trash Wednesday from these kindred folk: It Is What It Is, MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, The Ebb & Flow Institute, Six Meat Buffet, Vince Aut Morire, The Jawa Report, Basil’s Blog, Cranky Neocon, Cry Freedom, Hector Vex, The Nose On Your Face, Mean Ol’ Meany, Dangerous Logic, Bubba, Sortapundit, The Therapist, Merri Musings, Pirate’s Cove, and (YES) Riehl World View