Vincent Gallo thinks we’re all just jealous of his massive, throbbing penis. In a recent article about the film history of the male organ, reviewer Frank Scheck discussed Brown Bunny in terms of an “appendage that may or may not have belonged to [Chloe Sevigny's] co-star and director, Vincent Gallo.” Hell apparently hath no fury like a Gallo scorned:

“Tell that hack to convince his mother, sister or wife to let me give it to her… and then she can report back to little Frank if she thought (it was fake).

“The Brown Bunny is an ultra-low-budget film. With that in mind, the expense to create a prosthetic that could pass on film would be well out of the film’s budget, and so far no one has come close to making such a thing pass as real…

“For example, Mark Wahlberg]s rubber (penis) was far from realistic and was only seen for a few seconds. If one wasn’t blinded by jealousy, it would be easy to tell (my) scene was real. Chloe Sevigny herself has publicly said the scene involved us performing real sex.

“Why then does Scheck promote doubt about the scene’s authentic nature? I speculate it’s because Mr. Scheck most likely has a very small, ugly penis and needs to believe that only in make-believe does anyone have one like mine!”

This comes from a guy who thinks so much of himself that he just had to give his penis its own role in a movie. Dude, if you’re gonna put it out there, you gotta expect people to make remarks.

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