Guilty as charged, your honor. Most women take longer than their male counterparts to ready themselves in the morning. Most of my extra time is spent enjoying a damn fine warm shower. As to the hair primping, and tons of makeup, I try very hard not to enter that territory. After all, once I wash, I like to go, which I guess makes me a wash-and-go gal.

In my personal view, whatever one does with hair and makeup should merely accentuate what’s already there to begin with. Think subtle for eyes and cheeks, and if you dare, be more dramatic with the accentuating of the lips…. you know… because men don’t mind looking at lips that can suck the chrome off a bicycle. Be careful though, or you might end up looking like this:

Click photo for full effect.

Poor Laurie Dhue-me. It appears that she’s been attacked by the collagen monster, which reminds me, cosmetic surgery and the like are for insecure idiots. Yet I digress. Back to the grooming topic.

Metrosexuals prefer to groom in a manner usually attributed to females. They use hair products and refer to them as such. Some even get manicures and take great pains to apply a UV-protecing moisturizer every single day. Kinda weird, sure, but they’re going to look great in fifty years. Of course, this assumes the metrosexual can manage to step away from the mirror, which is notoriously difficult for said metrosexual to achieve.

Most guys these days manage to achieve the fine balance between metrosexual and smelly homeless-looking guy. What do you include in your efforts to stay presentable? If you fall into the majority, you probably take great pride in your grooming routine–great pride, that is, in how incredibly fast you can accomplish it. Run a comb through your hair, splash on some aftershave, and you’re more ready for a night of lovin’ than Michael Douglas on a fistful of Viagra.

Well, think again, Pepe Le Pew. While your no-hassle routine is fine for making the dinner reservation on time, it might be leaving you poorly primped for the after-dinner pokey pokey. Women rather enjoy the concept of hygiene. So brush your damn teeth, and do it well. Mouthwash – a very good thing. Cologne will not compensate for a lack of deodorant. Most importantly, wash your damn hands before you make any moves. Listen to these words from a female confidante:

“If you take a ride on a subway with a guy and he’s holding a subway post,” GoGo says, “and the next minute the two of you are getting hot and heavy and he’s sticking his hands down your pants–all I can think about are the 500 people who touched that subway post, and now they’re in my pants. All 500 of them.”

Take her word for it, because surely, you don’t wish for me to launch into details about how susceptible a woman’s parts are to urinary tract infections from bacteria on unclean hands. And surely, you don’t need a reminder that when she has an infection, that means no sex for you.

Two other demystifying divas speak their clever minds as always. This week, the lovely Kate fills in for the Feisty Goddess, whilst she certainly must be biting her tongue in an effort to stay quiet.

For the testosterone-laden perspective on grooming, be sure and visit the ever-vigilant Phin and The Wizard. Zonker. and Puffy haven’t just posted their philosophies on primping just yet. I assume Zonker learned quite a bit this result follows from the long-drawn example of Puffy, the Master Of Well-Presented *ahem* Parts.

This Friday, Divas Sez. will be hosted by the fabulous Silk, who will gladly answer your questions, so long as she receives them by Thursday evening. So get cracking, folks!

Ooooh Lookie Here: The very Divaesque Kelley returns to the blogscene to speak her mind. Good to see you again, dahling!