I still refuse to post a picture of Uwe Boll (hereinafter known as “UB”) because of this irrational fear that he’ll steal my soul or something and place it in his masturbatory tax shelter. Hell, last week, I actually had to use Tara Reid pictures when discussing UB’s attack on Michael Bay and Eli Roth, and now that the publicity tide from that tirade has subsided, UB is back for another free ride by telling MTV News of several additions to his shit list:

“Lets [sic] say Tom Tykwer, he did ‘Run, Lola Run,’ right? But ‘Perfume’ is a piece of sh-t, let’s face it, yeah? So, and um he has a free run after ‘Lola’ because people liked the movie. There are a lot of directors like this — they’re getting hype [but] everything [they do] is boring and nobody wants to admit it,” the pugilist provocateur insisted.

“How many good movies did Gus Van Sant do?” he added, continuing his verbal assault on some of film’s best current auteurs. “He did a few good movies but also a few bad movies. But if you have this kind of reputation you get invitations to film festivals or whatever. Micheal Haneke! ‘Funny Games’ was a good movie original, but to reshoot that here, was stupid. And everybody thinks the movies are kind of important or something. So, that’s the thing.”

The quasi-interview goes on to feature more ranting and a conclusion that — as much as UB bitches about Van Sant, Roth, Tykwer, and Haneke — the true hatred of UB is directed towards Michael Bay. Essentially, UB thinks that Bay is no genius and only succeeds because of the enormity of his film budgets, and that’s really a moot argument that no one really gives a shit about. It’s really of no use to do much analysis here. However, one thing is certain — the only person who seems to be obsessing on the word “genius” is UB himself.

Now, let’s get to the real point of this post, which is that I have suddenly realized how much product that Tom Tykwer uses in his hair. Holy crap! This may provide future material for a comparative product analysis between Tykwer and Eli Roth, who I haven’t made nearly as much fun of lately as usual. Until then, Eli had better start slathering on more Tancho because Twyker is catching up with him!