It’s a pity we don’t have some Matt Drudge-style Flashing Siren of Absolute Shock, because a story about Paris Hilton performing a significant act of kindness would certainly qualify. Nevertheless, it’s true: Paris rescued an injured Oompa-Loompa Saturday night. Robin Sherwood, a little person who was portraying an Oompa-Loompa at a Miami nightclub (the back story on this would be fascinating), was slammed against a metal stage support by the rowdy audience. No one noticed he was hurt but Paris:

“Paris screamed for help and jumped up to move everyone away from him,” said the Daily News witness. “She held Robin’s hand and said the sweetest things to keep him calm. She stayed with him until he was safely in the ambulance on his way to the hospital.”

It’s difficult enough to wrap one’s head around the notion of Paris being kind, much less doing anything useful in a crisis. And yet there’s more:

Hilton is reportedly friends with Sherwood, who is awaiting a kidney transplant. The reality television star and her sister Nicky support the performer’s foundation to aid his operation.

Did I wake up on Bizarro World this morning? Next I’ll be hearing that Paris is hard at work on a thoughtful, 12-hour miniseries about America’s experience with the Great Depression, while Ken Burns is hanging out at Hyde, dancing without his pants on and sleeping with random starlets.