Some of you might have seen pictures of Michael Jackson wandering around a Las Vegas Barnes& Noble last weekend looking even more bizarre than usual. (TMZ has the hi-def, copyrighted close-up shot, if you’re sure that’s what you want.) Michael’s mouth was covered with what appeared to be Post-Its, for reasons known only to Michael and his personal deity. Concealment? Convenience? Considering who we’re dealing with here, it could have been virtually anything at all.

It turns out the little squares were there for a perfectly valid, utterly bizarre reason. Michael was playing with one of his kids—either Prince Michael II or five-year-old Blanket; the story is unclear—when the child playfully struck him in the mouth, causing Michael’s lips to “burst and collapse.” Imagine playfully popping Daddy in the mouth, only to find yourself drenched in blood and less identifiable fluids from your father’s exploded mouth-parts. Imagine the hours after, when your hysterical father is rushed to the plastic surgeon for an emergency touch-up and you’re left home alone, cleansed of bodily fluids but still drenched with trauma, guilt, and remorse. This is going to be the raw material for an outstanding chapter in this kid’s memoirs. Look for them on the CompuGlobalHyperMegaNet circa 2023.

Incidentally, in 2023 Michael Jackson will turn 65. Picture, if you will, what his face is going to look like by then, and ask yourself if it’s worth surviving long enough to share a world with that face.