Slip on your Haz-Mat suits and take a big hit of oxygen, as we prepare to journey through the mind of Kevin Federline. Back in the 90s KFed dated a sports bar waitress named Felicia Cabiero, although he eventually dumped her when she started giving him a hard time about his philandering, horn-dog ways. Now, Felicia’s decided she might as well profit in some way from the lousy experience, so she’s sold KFed’s love letters to the tabloids. You can read KFed’s actual words, jotted down in his own remarkable penmanship, here.

I don’t want to spoil any surprises for you. Let’s just say that the letters are full of fascinating, personal touches, and repay careful study. Personally, I hope they’re just the first chapter in a riveting, ongoing saga. I can’t wait until we get to the break-up letters, which I’m assuming will read something like the one Homer Simpson dictated to Bart. “Dear Baby—Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.�

(H/t to INDCent Bill.)