See, here’s the thing. Over the last decade, David Spade has been romantically linked to this woman, this woman, and this woman:

and, more recently, he’s been linked to Heather Locklear, and, of course, the lovely Jillian Grace:

while everyone knows perfectly well that David Spade looks like this:

Now, I know that looks aren’t everything, but–come on. David Spade might be the funniest man on earth, with a scintillating personality and the kindness of a saint. He might fly his first dates to Paris in a solid gold Lear jet and be hung like a Clydesdale, and with a phizz like that his sexual history would still be as baffling as particle physics. I can only assume that his basic date kit includes a bottle of roofies and a rag soaked in chloroform. That, or he’s found a cologne that makes women absolutely deranged with lust. Maybe I’ll try Hai Karate.

Pages: 1 2