During their last months of Guy Ritchie and Madonna’s marriage, Madge always made a grand show of appearing on the red carpet with Guy Ritchie at film premieres and festivals. However, poor Guy always looked like a man serving his last few months of an unjust prison sentence. Guy’s fading demeanor wasn’t so surprising, for during the course of their nine-year marriage, Madonna’s extreme exercise regimen and macrobiotic diet grew into a method for her to control others’ habits as well. In fact, since returning to the dating pool, Madonna now requires her suitors to conform in diet and religion. Her latest conquest, 22-year old Jesus Luz, has been spotted with Madonna at several Kabballah events and, reportedly, has been ordered to consume only “organic salads, brown rice and fish.” How appetizing.

Meanwhile, Guy Ritchie has been enjoying the finer things in life, according to Holy Moly:

[A] mole tells us that on the day that news broke of Guy Ritchie and Madonna’s divorce, the first thing Guy did was get the crew to find him the nearest greasy spoon where he went down, ordered the greasiest set breakfast with extra double bubble in defiance of Madge diet of pulses and lentils, said ‘fuck her’ [sic] and ate the lot.

On a slightly related note, I ate some Doritos last night for, like, the first time in five years. Damn, they tasted so fucking good.