Maybe you were intrigued when you heard about KFC’s Double Down, but somehow the concept of two slabs of fried chicken wrapped around bacon, American cheese, and some vaguely sinister “secret sauce” sounded a little… I don’t know… frou frou. In that case, you’l be glad to know that Burger King has come through with the JDAM bunker buster of gutbombs, the BK New York Pizza Burger. Just describing this monstrosity would render me incapable of eating for the next three days, so I’ll quote directly from the article:

four quarter-pound patties topped with pepperoni and mozzarella and smothered in marinara and Tuscan sauce – stacked in a nine-and-a-half inch sesame-seed bun and cut into six slices…. According to the BK website the colossal, six-serving concoction weighs in at a whopping 2,530 calories, 144 grams of fat (59 grams saturated) and 380 mg of cholesterol.”

(Incidentally, that’s not a Pizza Burger in the above picture. No photos are available, so standing in for Mr. Burger is a Fifth Third Burger from the home of the West Michigan Whitecaps. That weighs in at 4889 calories, but Midwestern food tends to be a bit heavier than its sophisticated East Coast counterparts.) BK is stressing that the Pizza Burger is cut into six slices, each of which would be a perfectly adequate meal for a sane human being. But you know that as soon as this product debuts next month, someone is going to sit down and devour the whole mess at a single sitting. Probably quite a few someones. Because we are Americans, dammit, and we have never backed down from a challenge.