Oh, man. An actress I love to hate appearing on a show I love to hate, where she mocks another actress I love to hate…. This is worse than deciding who to root for in the Wars of the Roses. The facts are these: Gwyneth Paltrow (whom we might as well call “Actress A”) appeared last night on Glee (Show… alpha, or something), in the role of a substitute Spanish teacher—a singing Spanish teacher, naturally. In fairness, singing is something for which Gwyneth shows real talent, much like baking the perfect chocolate chip cookie and self-administering bizarre colonic flushes. At any rate, Paltrow decides to bond with her class through pop culture references featuring Lindsay Lohan (Actress C—no, B… okay, screw this). She teaches them how to say “Lindsay is totally crazy, right?” in Spanish, and engages in a little dialogue about the number of times LiLo’s gone to rehab.

The whole thing is terribly confusing; you could spin this incident for or against any of the participants. Fortunately, Dina Lohan stepped in and pronounced the whole thing “tasteless” and added “Shame on them,” suggesting the cast and crew of Glee ought to be feeling an emotion she’s heard of but never actually experienced. So the final score is Paltrow/Glee, 1: Team Lohan, 0. Dina Lohan’s involvement always makes these dilemmas seem utterly simple.